Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Routine or Relationship


June 4, 2012

Let me begin by saying how thankful I am for the baby God has given us.   With that being said any of you who have experienced morning sickness that feels like having the flu all day long for weeks, know how hard this first trimester can be.  To be honest I don’t feel like me and it seems my joy has been taken away.  Thankfully, I have been able to function most days while feeling sick but some days I just have to lay down to keep from vomiting all day long.  It is miserable.  Most days I am up for a while then have to lay down to get the nausea under control then I can be up again for a while before lying down again.  I am so bored.  I don’t feel like reading, writing, or even watching anything (no TV anyways).  There is really no where to go in Soroti and no entertainment.  I am grateful for all our friends who have had us over.  It passes the days so much quicker.  Everything, even good smells, smell awful.  My family can’t even be by me when they have showered.  You can only imagine what all the African smells do to me!  And food, yuck.  I do eat but the thought of most things especially making them is very difficult.  I don’t like sweets or water but salty foods and sour beverages I can handle.  Life has been ruff the last 5 weeks.  I am now 10 week and see an end to this very difficult time.  I am even on my second good day where I can be up all day and feel like me again!  Of course with Mom sick everyone feels it.  Josh has been great helping out where ever he can and the kids just feel bad for me.  We are all hanging in there till the second trimester arrives… 

Once again I feel God has taught me through this hard time.  Being sick for 5 weeks has taken a toll on my time with the Lord.  Most mornings I could barely sit up let alone read my Bible and pray.  I hated that I couldn’t but I just couldn’t for the first time in my life.  It didn’t take long to realize the joy I was missing comes from being close to my Lord.  Life is empty without Him.  Life is meaningless and even boring without His presence and leading.  I am still a Christian but the relationship with my Father was not there.  I now know without a shadow of a doubt, from personal experience, relationship with God makes all the difference in the world!  And relationship takes time to cultivate.  When I am taking time to read God’s Word to me and spend time praising Him and telling Him everything in prayer I know Him and He knows me.  I am filled by Him and experience joy and peace.  I have hope and purpose.  I am assured of His promises and know truth.  I have strength for hard times and wisdom for each decision.  I am in love with my Father and He is my best friend.  It is right where I should be – in fellowship with Him.

There is no way around it, we must spend time with Jesus!  No relationship takes place without time together.  Trust, knowledge, love, joy, fellowship, help…all take time to develope.  I have gone to church the past five weeks but without the daily time with God it all just felt like routine – empty.  What saddens me the most is that I know too many Christian living with Jesus as routine instead of in relationship with Him.  More tragic is that most of them don’t even know it because they have never experience relationship with God and so think this is all there is to life with Christ.  There are Christians who go to church because their parents did or that is what you are suppose to do and the rest of the week they live as if their lives aren’t changed by Christ.  Christians who spend time each day with their Savior are changed by Him and their lives show it. 

It is my prayer that every day Jesus is your first love.  May we long to be with Him because we know how much we need Him.  Forgive us Lord for saying we are too busy and then whine because we are mess.  We are hurting ourselves by choosing to not have a relationship with you.  Forgive us because we do not love you with all of our hearts, minds, and strength.  We have loved ourselves and the things of the world more than you.  We know all about the worldly things around us but have failed to know You and Your desire for us.  May we no longer do Christian routine and miss out on the wonderful privilege of relationship with You.             

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