Jan. - Stress from Sin

Jan. 21

Did I tell you Grace knows her colors. She is always impressing people with how she can talk and all she can say. Gracie also saw someone with a tattoo the other day and said, “She colored on her arm. That is naughty.” Kids say things so simply and true. I caught Lydia the other day in the living room singing and dancing to the song that we danced to at both wedding that says, “one hop now do the cha cha.” She doesn’t forget anything and loves to dance.

Jan. 29

I think I have been avoiding writing. I am tired, upset, and feel like I want to shut down, give up and go away. Sin seems to reign and it’s consequences are messy. Before I get into some of it I need to say that I know that God is victorious. I know God is in control. I know God has defeated satan. I know my hope and peace remain in Christ. I trust God. I know He will always get the glory.

That being said, I am so saddened by sin. I hate sin! Especially when it is in the church. A very long story short, our neighbor and friend Sam came to us last week wanting to run away. He was being accursed of raping a girl and the family was trying to kill him. I wasn’t there to hear the story (I was putting the girls to be) but in the end he was going north until this ordeal passed. A few days it came out that Sam did sleep with the girl (not rape) and she is pregnant. We were very sad and even angry. We love Sam. Now there are huge problems on top of the sin that was already done. Sam is very remorse and is trying to do what is right. That is where the culture comes in. It is so messed up! The family wants Sam to pay the fine for ruining the girl and then a bride price if they get married. The fine and bride price are so high no one can pay it. The girls family wont take her back so she is at Sam’s. The culture and church see no problem with Sam and the girl living together and calling them husband and wife. They aren’t married! There have been LONG talks because of the whole ordeal. There was one heated one that Josh and Tim when to. They were so upset because at least three of the relatives involved are pastors but not acting like it. They were very much putting culture before God. They can’t see that their relationship with God needs to affect every part of their lives. And these are pastors! So the story continues. Sam could go to jail for what he did if he doesn’t pay the fine. I just keep praying God will work through this situation. I hope to see Sam and Esther married, the baby loved, and everyone have a close relationship with the Lord – one that changes every bit of their lives.

Beyond that Kristine continues to have troubles with Jimmy (her “husband” they say even though they are not married just share a child). He wants her out or to he will keep her if Claudia is gone (his own daughter!). Kristine comes and tells us with tears. I really don’t know what to tell her. She needs him because he pays the rent and she has no where to go, but he is a drunk and has other women. See why I get so upset? Sin is SO ugly. Kristine did sin and now is in a mess. I know God has grace. I keep encouraging her to be close to God. And that we need to pray for Jimmy. Only God can work in his heart and change this situation. It is really hard when I don’t know what to do or how to help.

Then there is Tabitha and the four kids. I get so upset. The mother is right near by but instead of caring for HER kids she is drinking. If she wont love her children she had better at least provide for them. Again, sin ruins lives and innocent children are hurt. We struggle every week with Tabitha about how to help them. There are no quick fixes. It comes down to these kids need love and their basic needs met. Tabitha does her best but she is tired too.

Then there is a lady at church with a boy who has CP. He is over a year and can’t sit, hold his head, and probably never will. The mother is despair for help. She wants her son cured (fixed). She is now five months pregnant. Can you imagine having a baby and a disabled child living in a third world country? What do you do? I am sure she is scared and tired. There is no help. What will happen to this young disabled boy? Will they continue to care for him? You don’t see many older disabled people here. Do they just let them die? Sometimes I feel a bit of their hopelessness. I do want to help them but how? What can I do? I don’t know anything medical. All I can do is love them and pray.

I could go on... the soap opera mess with the blind at SACAB, Ben’s cancer in his hip now, our neighbors needs, trials at home… yup it sometimes just all piles on you. I can’t handle it all. I have my husband and children to love and care for. I am busy enough with my own life. I hate when I begin to take out the stress on my family. Not to mention the stress my husband under and probably my kids are feeling too. I have to continually stop and give it all to God. He can take it all. He knows what is best. I can trust Him. And I continue to offer myself to Him. To be filled and used. I need His wisdom, strength, and help. He keeps me relying on Him because I can’t do anything without Him. God is faithful. He is my peace in times of trouble. What would I do without my hope in Him?! I am so thankful. I know the God of the universe! He loves me and all my friends here. He will take care of us and be glorified while He does.