Mandy's Journal -- July 2

Some of you may know I have been going through a really hard time. I think it is mostly from being sick and hormones from pregnancy, but never the less it has been a difficult time. Thankfully there is some hope but I would still like your prayers. I have been so down. I’ve been so sick that I have to lie on the couch or in bed so I don’t throw up. Laying there I get so bored. Nothing to watch, too sick to read, no where to go… I think about home and long to be there. I want to see everyone and do all the summer things with my girls. I want to go to the beach, to the cottage, go for ice cream, eat summer fruits and veggies, have a picnic in Shaarda’s yard, go to garage sales…and then there is fall time. I miss home! I feel sad that the family is missing out on the girls young years. I want to share their songs, new abilities, and giggles with them. Are my girls missing out? I guess it all comes down to the sacrifices we have had to make. I just try to survive each day. I just don’t like it here right now. Are we doing anything worth staying? Why am I here suffering when everyone else is at home? (That’s how my mind begins to think.) Then I worry that I may “fail” again. What if I can’t make it here or anywhere as a missionary? What would we do and where would we go? Will I be content anywhere? Everything has been affected by my sickness. We all get down. I can’t function enough to do everyday tasks. I just try to keep up with the girls. Josh is worn out from helping extra at home and struggling with the issues at the Bible College. It tears him apart to hear me say and feel those things about living here. He likes it here and love teaching. Like I said, thankfully there is hope now. I am starting to feel better and when I feel better everything seems better. I can do things! We also have visitors in July and August so that helps. And we can’t wait to go home in November. I really start to think all this is hormonal when I have sudden good days when I am thankful God is using us here and can’t imagine living in MI. I think I am a yoyo. I have poured my heart out to God again and again during this trying time. I believe with all my heart that what we are doing is the most important thing in life. Sharing and serving God is what life is all about. I know He has called us here and we must remain until He calls us to serve Him somewhere else. I believe this is a time where I just need to persevere. It is a test of faith. All I can do is hold on – tight – to God and know He is faithful. Thanks for your prayers!