Sept. 16 -- Mandy's Journal

Sept. 16
We visited with out Indian friends at OM supermarket the other day. I wore my Indian out fit the ladies gave Angie and I after returning from their trip to India (it was so nice of them to think of us). They were very happy to see me in it and welcomed all of us the the back of the store where they live. They served us chi and some Indian snacks. We sat and talked with the men as the women got ready for a picture together. The women kept bringing out jewelry for Lydia, Grace, and me. Their kindness and hospitality are so generous. We had a very nice time and are thankful for their friendship. We pray God continues to work in their hearts through our friendship.

I have so many feelings as we prepare for home service. I don’t think anyone can really understand unless they have been on the mission field. Please forgive me. Know I think and feel too much and writing is how I process it all. (I bug myself sometimes with all my feelingJ.) Anyways, I will share but you don’t have to read it if you don’t want too. I live on the mission field but all year I look forward to our home service when we get to go MI. We plan for it at least a year in advance and begin preparing six months in advance. We have to find housing (furnished which isn’t easy for only 4 months), a vehicle to use, schedule all of our speaking, plane tickets… It is quite a bit of work getting everything lined up on that side of the ocean not to mention what needs to be done on this side. It is not simply a vacation! Then, when it still seems so far away to all of you, I have begun a count down. I think about it, plan what to do, where to go, and dream. How can I describe it all to you? I look forward to being normal again. To having comforts again, even simple things like soft carpet I enjoy. I will be with our families! Celebrate holidays, birthdays, and most of all just being together. Share my children with them again. I look forward to taking a walk with my girls and having no one notice or calling out “Muzungu” (white person) over and over again. We will just blend in. I can truly relax and be comfortable. Everything is normal and nice rather than odd and frustrating. What else? Clean everything, food/ treats and easy to make, wonderful showers, easy driving, shopping, being cold, watch the snow fall… I grew up in MI and the memories are a part of who I am.

Then there is the other side and all the other emotions. I will be excited and prepare for months then it comes time to leave Uganda, my home, for four months and I don’t know how to feel anymore. I am a bit scared, sad, nervous… I am not sure what I want anymore. I realize I really don’t belong anywhere. Living in MI I often feel like an outsider. People don’t understand where I come from, all I’ve been through, and all I have seen. I get overwhelmed by all America and Americans have. All the waste. All the wealth. All the choices. Sometimes it makes me sick. But so few seem to want to know or care about how the rest of the world lives. How most people suffer in poverty. I see some Christians living the same as the culture around them. They want more, bigger, or better things. We want more money to spend when God’s Word tells us He gives us more to give more. Selfishness and self centeredness plague our land. People sit in front of their TV all evening but having no time in their lives to read God’s Word or for doing ministry. There is passiveness in our churches instead of passion. There is a lack of standing on and for God’s Truth – maybe because they don’t know it. Then when someone does tell the Truth other Christians mock or criticize instead of accept and encourage. Have we forgotten God? Does He lead us every day in every decision? Do we care about the rest of the world the way God does?
I know this really sounds harsh and has turned into a sermon, but it is often what I see and how I feel when I go to MI. Yes, there are godly, faithful people there too! But too many have become complacent. I have learned quickly in life that everywhere around the world there is sin and hardship and everywhere there is God and His people. Life is a mix of emotions and feelings sometimes, huh. That is why I am so thankful that every new day I can trust in my Father – God of the whole universe.