The Funeral

April 29

I don’t know how to feel right now. (Probably a bad time to write.) My emotions are everywhere yet I am totally drained. We just got home a couple hours ago from Robert’s funeral. In some ways I am thankful it is over, in other ways I don’t want to forget. I need closer yet I don’t want it to be done – Robert to be gone. One minute I am fine and can talk about it and life moves on and the next I just want to cry again. Our kids just went for a sleepover at our teammates. I should be celebrating a night with just my husband (and Luka) but I kinda found it hard to let them go. On the other hand I want time alone. Josh and I have been busy the last couple day – especially Josh -- and we are both processing but very differently. Makes us kind of distant from each other right now. Time will heal I know. Anyhow, here is how the last couple days went.

Thursday when Josh brought the family and body to their home in the village they asked if he would be coming back in the afternoon. It seemed they wanted us to so we did. When we arrived there were already a couple hundred people gathered under trees and tents. There was weeping and wailing going on with every new person who came. I just stood back for a few minutes. I know this is all cultural and some of it very sincere but I don’t really like it. Their wailing seems so fake. The bigger drama the more people watch and it is turned on and off so quickly. They like to scold the person who died for leaving them. It all made me very thankful for the precious, quiet, intimate moments we had that morning with just a few family members. There I saw true emotions, real grief and also felt feel to mourn.

Everyone who came went to the casket where they would uncover his head for people to see him. His wife, Grace and other close relatives sat by the casket. Each time a visitor came Robert’s wife would weep with them. When we arrived Tabitha and Grace ran to each other and wailed together along with some of Grace’s kids and nieces. I found each one of Grace’s children (Robert’s grandkids) and hugged them. So often the kids are forgotten in these things but they loved him too. I told them that their grandfather loved them very much and that it is ok for us to be sad. We know that He loved God too and is in heaven with Jesus right now. Little tears rolled down their cheeks as I spoke so I held them again.

Everyone was also busy making preparations. There was food to buy and people to feed. There was even a committee already formed and planning the details and money needed. We were also told that the grandkids Robert and his wife care for will be discussed with the clan and most likely each sibling will take one or two. And Robert’s land will be given to the brothers. We just pray the boys are merciful and give Grace (Robert’s daughter who’s husband left her and five kids) some land to farm on.

I have been very surprised and saddened to hear Ugandan Christians lack assurance of eternal life. Personally I had two of them say they just hope Robert is in heaven. I told them they can be assured because God tells us in His Word. There is a great need for discipleship here.

We left our kids with friends for the visitation and for the funeral. They are just too young to handle all the wailing that sounds a bit scary -- too much for a kid to understand. And they were thrilled to be playing with friends.

The funeral was Friday at 1pm. There may have been close to a thousand people there. When we arrived speeches were being made. We found out Robert was 63 years old and he and another man were the first Christians in the area so they brought Christianity here. Wow. Josh was asked to give one seeing Robert worked for us. I went up and stood with Josh. He did a great job speaking of Robert being a trust worthy man and challenging others to put their faith into practice as Robert did. Especially now as his wife and the grandchildren they care for will need help. After Josh spoke I went by Robert’s wife and Grace who were by the casket. The body was so bloated by now it didn’t look like the Robert I knew.

After speeches and a choir there was a sermon. The pastor was very dramatic, in a good way, and focused on salvation for those of us who are still here. I liked it. Robert knew the Lord and is in heaven. Use his death as an opportunity to bring others to salvation. He told everyone to get their houses in order and challenged people to look at their character. He also spoke openly to the children of Robert who were not following their father’s good teaching. One of them gets very angry and even swung a machete at him last year. Not surprisingly his sibling was no where to be seen all day. I asked Grace later how she felt about the pastor talking like that and she said it was good that brother needs to hear.

After all that the Pastor led us to the burial sight while singing we are soldiers in the army of the Lord. This is when my tears starting building up – the final goodbye. About half of the people walked over so we were about 10 rows deep from the grave. For some reason some lady pulled me forward (I think because she saw I was taking picture) and I ended up right behind Robert’s wife. There I was standing in a mob of people white as can be and crying my eyes out. I felt so out of place. But that is where God had me. He has me in the middle of a burial of our friend in a village in Uganda. Now isn’t that just God’s love -- weeping with those who weep because we love them – because God loves them.

It was a really hard moment for me. It was over. Our friend was gone. Everyone slowly walked away as the men began to throw cement in the grave. Grace’s daughter came up to see and I hugged her. And we wept together. It was a moment I wont forget. I was there to be God’s hug to a hurting little girl. As we walked away I reminded her that we know your grandfather isn’t in the ground but in paradise. Dan, the only son of Grace joined us and I told him that even though his father left them and now his grandfather died that he has a heavenly Father who will never leave him. Josh added now he is the man of the family and he should be a godly man like his grandfather.

Then food was served to all the guests and it suddenly no longer felt like a funeral. It was all done.

And now I am home again writing to you. Robert’s death has been hard for me. Everyday for two years we saw him. I cry the most when I think he will never walk through our gate again and greet us. Or when Luka hears the gate and says, “Robert”. We will miss him.

I think the thing God showed me through all this is that we as Christians need to learn to rejoice for those who get to go home to Heaven. I know as humans it hurts and we are sad – remember I am the one balling. But really we don’t get excited about heaven. Why would we want to hold someone here when it is there time to be with Jesus – BE WITH JESUS! Isn’t that our goal? We should all be longing for it so that when another saint gets to go we should be cheering for them. Who wouldn’t want to be in PARADISE?! I know death is hard and we miss our friends, all I am saying is praise God for our heavenly home. What hope, peace, and joy we really have as Christians. Although I am sad that Robert is no longer with us and his family is without him, I am so happy he is with Jesus!

Thank you everyone for praying for Robert’s family and for us! We have been blessed by so much love.