How we are doing

April 1, 2013

Having a baby and home schooling has changed my typing days but I still long to sit and share with all of you.  (Just to warn you this may be a big journal!)

To be honest we have been through more ups and downs than we care to.  I wish I could share everything but it is hard to explain and some things I can’t.  I can share that all the downs have taken their toll on us emotionally.  I think some days we are on empty.  I know Josh is done with stuff here when I hear him talk about going back to America and being a pastor there.  He is LONGING to be in Obulle more.  He loves teaching and doing ministry out there.  He feels called and filled building God’s kingdom.  He feels a bit trapped in Soroti because his family and his team need him a lot right now.  His battery is drained right now in Soroti and energized in Obulle, so he needs a balance to remain healthy.  I feel tired.  I can’t do it all.  I just want everything to work out and work well.  I get emotionally attached and my heart hurts.  Because of everything we have been too busy too.  So I have no choice but to go to God with all of this – which is where I always need to be.  The burden is too heavy for us.  I pour it all out before the Lord and allow Him to do His thing.  He is God.  He is in control.  We are seeking His will and abiding in Him -- His rest is good.  We will make it through all this because God is our sustainer.      

Our kids seem to be doing really well.  I am so proud of them.  The other night Grace came out and thanked Josh for taking such good care of her.  Then she buried her head in his shoulder and cried.  Josh asked her why she was crying and she said she felt bad for all the kids here who don’t have dads or parents to take care of them.  What 7 year old thanks their parents for taking care of them?  Usually that happens after we move out of the house and we realize how much our parents did for us.  I am so thankful our children appreciate all they are blessed with.  And that their hearts cry like God’s for those who don’t have what they should have.  Their faith continues to grow and it is a beautiful thing!  Lydia was crying the other night for her uncle Steven again.  Her heart is so tender for her unsaved uncle.  She told us she prays for him at the end of ever church service.  Wow.  I admire her for praying with urgency for someone who is living apart from God.  She longs for him to know the Lord.  So Steven if you are listening, we are praying for you. 

Emalai is now three months old.  She loves to be held but not by others for very long.  She is becoming a mommy’s girl.  She seems to like her home – can a baby know that comfort at such a young age?  Everyone loves her dimples.  She has two big, cute ones when she smiles.  She continues to be one strong little girl.  She can roll over and tries to sit up but only gets her head up so far.  She sleeps all night!  Last night was her longest 10pm to 6am!  Then she goes back to sleep for a few hours.  (Likes to sleep in like her mom and sisters already!)  She doesn’t take long naps though.  I could use grandma some days.  Over all I think Malai is adjusting.  I try to enjoy time with her each day.  When life gets busy I try to focus on what is really important.  Boxes can wait, emails will always be there, things will work out…but Malai won’t always be this young and I want to stop and enjoy time with her. 

I started home schooling two weeks ago.  Yes, it was only our second week in Soroti but the girls seemed to need some structure.  The first day I was so overwhelmed.  It is difficult figuring out how to home school, have a baby, keep an eye on Luka, and keep the family fed.  I could have cried.  It did get better from there.  The girls are doing really well over all and Malai should be the smartest preschooler ever seeing she goes to school with us at 12 weeks old.  Our teammate, Karen, agreed to teach every Wednesday – Yeah!  I am thankful for the break in the middle of the week to catch up on everything I can’t do while teaching.

As some of you know we had to let go of our house helper while we were in Michigan because she was caught stealing.  She was a dear friend and we were proud of her for taking in and raising her three nieces and a nephew.  Last Saturday her nieces and nephew came to see us.  They were crying.  Josh explained to them why we had to let their aunt go.  The kids haven’t been going to school now because our friends in Michigan and us were paying their school fees.  It was so hard to see them crying.  Josh prayed with them and I hugged each one and told them that God would take care of them.  Josh was so upset.  We love those kids.  Why do they have to suffer for the sins of others?!  It is the most famous question here.  It happens over and over again.  The innocent always suffer.  That’s why I hate sin.  Should we pay for their school fees knowing the family wont?  Do we let them feel the results of sin?  Is there any good answer?  I walked away with no answers, but I felt God speak.  “Do you believe I am the Father of the fatherless?  You say you do so watch me be their Father.”  That’s it.  God told us in His Word that He is the Father to the fatherless.  For me to think we needed to provide or no one would is saying that I am the savior.  I don’t have to, God does.  Do you get what I am saying?!  God may tell me to do something, but when we think I have to do this or no one else will is taking the place of God.  When I think that way I don’t believe God is all He says He is or will do all He says He will do.  The people here don’t need me, my money, my help…they need the Father.  He provides, heals, protects, loves…  We are Christ’s hands and feet but we are not the Savior.        

Then there is our night guard.  When we came back she told us that she became very weak while we were gone and found out she is HIV positive.  Her husband died two years ago while she was pregnant for their fifth child.  She now knows that he died of AIDS.  She said she was so sick she was down to 90lbs.  She said she couldn’t work nights anymore and wanted to work day.  She asked if we know anyone who wanted any children.  She is now on the medicine to help but she basically has full blown AIDS and is depressed.  Again what do we do with that?  It isn’t just a statistic it someone we know and care about.  Again God reminded me He is the Father.  I trust in You Lord.  Later that week we came home really late from watching basketball finals and our guard didn’t hear us at all – as in we drove up, beeped, called her, opened the gate, drive in, and went in the house without her knowing.  What is the point of a guard!!!  Needless to say she really can’t do the job and she resigned.  Thankfully she was relieved.  We paid her and she is using the money to pay for her last semester in tailoring school.  We are glad she will have a trade that will provide for her family and allow her to be home with them.  We prayed for her as she left knowing God is with her.  (And we hired a new guard through a company so we are not the employers. J)

 Everyday it is becoming more and more home again.  I am thankful for our house.  It is home.  I haven’t quite figured out cooking here again.  It takes so much time which I don’t have right now.  Anyways, being thankful for our home has made the decision to move or not to move to Obulle really hard.  Some days I can hardly handle adjusting here in Soroti where there is electricity, running water, and other conveniences.  So how can I do the village?  Or are we not at peace because we should be there?  Every time we are in Obulle we feel apart of the people and love them.  We really don’t know what to do.  Will it be easier living there where we feel called and Josh wont have to go there for hours at a time and me and the kids can be apart of the ministry and lives of our friends?  Or will it be too hard just living out there?  Is it about living easier or harder?  Is God calling?  Cause if we are and we believe He will not give us more than we can handle and will be with us then we need to go. 

There is one permanent structure in Obulle that we have been thinking about renting.   We finally got a hold of the couple who owes it and looked at the house.  I tried to prepare myself but it was still a shocker.  No ceiling, no bathroom, no kitchen but lots of grain, feed, and turkeys.  They do keep the yard very nice and our kids were already enjoying climbing on the rock formations behind the house.  I know we can change the house but the real problem is the people have relatives living in the three huts on the property and they also plan to build another small house on the land to live in.  That is a lot of people near by.  We really need some privacy.  So that is where we are at.  We have made no decision and don’t really know how to make this one. 

It has been raining.  Today was one of those precious days with clouds and on and off rain all day.  I am in a sweatshirt and slippers!

I find church holidays to sometimes be difficult here.  If we don’t make it something special it isn’t.  I am pretty sure Easter could pass by without notice if we didn’t call attention to it.  So we try.  Maunday Thursday Josh got up from our table and came back with a basin and towel.  He proceeded to wash each of the kids and my feet explaining what Jesus did and how He told us to do likewise.  Good Friday we had church from 10am till 3pm but people didn’t show up till after noon.  We got there about 1pm.  There were only about ten of us but Josh taught a good message on Jesus’ seven says on the cross.  We reflected on Jesus saying, “Father forgive them” and took time to forgive those who wronged us.  We sat silently before God asking what He had for us to do as we thought about Jesus finishing the work God had for Him to do.  And we rejoiced knowing Jesus said it was finished.  Death was defeated, sins were forgiven, and satan was defeated!        

Easter morning I woke up sick.  Part of me was bummed and part of me was thankful for a reason to rest.  Our church was canceled because of a funeral of a church member (a new convert we didn’t know yet).  Josh went to our old church with Luka while the girls took care of Malai so I could sleep.  We did make it to Easter lunch, games, and worship with our team. 

I better stop there.  I have written a lot and you are probably worried about us by now.  Don’t be.  I met with God this morning.  Josh told me he read Eph. 4 and Phil. 1 this weekend and it helped him a lot so I read it this morning.  God’s Word is life and truth!  Eph. 4 challenged me to be completely humble, gentle, patient, bearing with others in love.  Making every effort to keep the unity through peace.  God is overall, through all, and in all.  Wow, what comfort and hope that brings!  I was reminded I need my attitude renewed and to again put on my new self which is being like Jesus.  Not remaining in our anger and letting satan have a foothold.  Speaking only what builds others up and benefits the listener.  Being kind, compassionate, and forgiving because Jesus forgave me.  I want to imitate Christ living a life of love.  He loved me first and gave up His life for me. 

Then Phil. 1 reminded me to be thankful for those we partner with to advance the gospel.  God promises to complete the good work He began.   I prayed Paul’s prayer that love would abound more and more so that we can discern what is best and that we maybe blameless until Jesus comes.  I was amazed to read that even though some preach Christ out of selfish ambition, envy, and stir up trouble Paul said it doesn’t matter as long as Christ is preached.  That is the important thing.  Whatever happens I need to conduct myself in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.

Thanks for your prayers everyone!