With Sadness...

May 9, 2013

My heart is so heavy.  Last night our dear friend Grace died unexpectedly.  Grace was Tim and Angie’s house help for the last five years but she was so much more than that to all of us.  She was someone who lived out her faith everyday, wore a big smile, worked hard and faithfully, was trustworthy, helped us tremendously, loved her children and all of ours…she was beautiful!  And now we sit in somewhat of shock grieving our loss.

It all began Tuesday morning when Angie called and asked if Josh could take Grace to the clinic.  She was really sick.  She was throwing up blood, almost constant diarrhea, and very weak.  By the time Wednesday came Grace was basically unconscious.  There was still no diagnosis and all she had received over 20 bags of fluid.  By the time I talked to Angie in the evening she was afraid Grace was going to die.  I feel so much for the injustice in health care here.  It is totally wrong!  We were all angry and frustrated that we could not get good help for our friend.  She was dying and no one seemed to care or do anything.  Angie and Grace’s family transported her from clinic to clinic to hospital where they wheeled her unconscious from unit to unit looking for help.  (She was having diarrhea the whole time which the family has to clean up.)  The day nurses left and the night nurses hadn’t come yet.  There was no doctor, medicine, or equipment to help.  At this point we stopped everything and prayed.  We needed the Great Physician!  We needed a miracle from the Healer.  I was in tears crying out to God.  There was nothing else we could do and as always it was right where God wanted us to be – fully trusting in Him.  I prayed with faith and confidence that my God was able to remove all sickness and raise Grace to her feet again.  Peace came over me as I called out in Christ name and power.  He was with us.

Then Angie called.  Grace was dead. 

All we could do was cry.  We were in disbelief.  Grace was gone.  Our hearts ached for her children.  About four years ago her husband left and later we found out he was with another woman.  Grace was left with her six kids, one just born.  But Grace’s faith kept her and her children strong and full of joy.  Grace later took in two nieces who were going to be killed by their father.  She called them and treated them as her very own.  One of those girls now has a baby who calls Grace Mom.  Oh, the children!  They need their mother.  She loved them so.  What would happen to them?! 

 And then there were the Sliedrecht kids who loved Grace.  Who were use to having her in their lives everyday.  What loss.  And even our children who knew and loved Grace too.  We all did.  This is really hard.

 After the news of Grace’s death I went to the hospital to be with everyone as Josh stayed back with our sleeping kids.  We have been here before, an unexpected death of a loved one.  I hate it.  It makes me want to scream. “I don’t want to do this!”  I want to hide and make it all go away.  Mourning is hard.  Then you have all the cultural stuff on top of it.  But each time you do it.  You realize suffering with people is what Christ calls us to.  It is love.

 All I could do was hold people and cry with them.  There aren’t any words.  Angie and I held each other weeping.  Why did this have to happen?  I sat and cried with Tim as he quietly mourned.  Our teammates the Tiesinga’s were also there.  I am so thankful we have each other to walk through the joys and sorrows.  I hugged Grace’s sisters, mother, and nieces through my tears I tried to comfort them, Grace is in the arms of her Father God.  I saw Grace and touched her still warm face.  She was gone.  I told her we loved her and knew she was dancing with her King.  Oh praise God.  What a comfort in our time of mourning.  Grace loved the Lord. 

We all stood around waiting, mourning not knowing what needed to happen next.  Finally the nurse told the family dead bodies couldn’t stay in the room and we had to move it.  (What compassion.)  I did feel bad for all the other patients in the hospital room who had to sit there wondering if they were next to die.  The hospital feels so dirty and wrong.  There are dogs wondering around outside and people on the ground and screens wide open for mosquitoes to come on in…simply makes me sick.  Without any help from the hospital the family, Tim, and Steve put Grace’s body on a stretcher and wheeled her to Sliedrecht’s van.  I just stood there thinking this shouldn’t be.  We should not have to carry the dead body of our friend.  These are times people in America just can’t understand.  It isn’t right but it is how it is here.  And we are here walking with our friends we know and love.

 I went home as the others went to tell Grace’s children their mother died.  It was traumatic to say the least.  The older kids wailed even throwing themselves on the ground while the little ones stood there shaking.  Oh, Father God, hold them!

Today I woke up feeling numb yet my whole body ached.  Did this all really happen?  How do you go on when you just hurt and so many are in pain?  So I began to write this to process and to know people will be praying for us and especially Sliedrechts and Grace’s kids. 

 They embalmed Grace’s body in Sliedrechts van this morning.  Angie said they even came in to ask for super glue.  This is so weird.  After A LOT of people greeting and did their wailing they all went to the village to prepare for burial tomorrow.  The Sliedrecht kids took the news hard but are doing well overall.  Their oldest is taking it the hardest but she has also experienced much loss in her life already.  We told our kids too.  Lydia cried right away but Grace wanted to just go on with life without dealing with it.  But a few hours later it came out first in anger then tears.  How does a child process all this?  It is hard for us adults.  Our whole team is affected.  How do we grieve well and help each other through this?  I know it is just the first day and time does heal but these are the real raw emotions right now.

Honestly, overall I am doing well.  I who God is and can fully trust Him.  I have no doubt He is who He says He is.  He is good and in control.  He is with us and will provide for Grace’s children.  I know God never wanted sickness and death in His world, it is a result of sin, and He sent His own son to defeat death.  Satan on the other hand wants to kill and destroy.  He is to blame!  Our fight is against him, BUT Christ has already defeated him and we are in Christ.  Praise God!!!  It seems our whole team is going through a lot.  There is defiantly a spiritual attack going on.  Please pray for all of us.  God is at work and the devil wants to destroy it.  At this point I am very angry with the overall culture and some people here.  There is so much sin, wrong, and injustice I could scream.  It is sick!  I think I had had it up to here when I heard our former guard, Grace’s sister, who resigned because she is sick with AIDS took the money we gave her and left her kids.  Grace and her mother have been taking care of the five children.  That is wrong!  I want to hit the next person who claims to know God but lies through their teeth and lives in sin.  How can people be so heartless?  And that is just one of many stories.

 Tomorrow is the burial.  I will fill you in as soon as I find time again.  Thank you for every prayer.  God is our comfort and our hope.  He gives the peace no one can understand.  And as my mom was reminded by the Lord, “we are here for such a time as this.”