Nov. 1
Let me just be honest, things have been
difficult since we returned to Uganda.
Because it has been hard and I have been down, I have been longing for Michigan, family and fall time like I haven’t in a
very long time. I am homesick – after 13
years on the mission field. I know full
well that America is not the answer. I get just as frustrated with the sin and
junk there too. But the traditions,
comforts, memories, and normality all make life easier and more
comfortable. There have been days lately
that I long to take a walk with Malai in the stroller, feeling the cool air,
and looking at the fall colors. I want
to be apart of fall fun and go to an orchard, play in the leaves with my kids,
and walk in the wood. I even want to
walk through a store and look at fall decorations and buy fall treats. I miss family. I want to be apart of their lives and be with
them when they get together. I want to
wear jeans and a sweatshirt! I want to
do what you think is normal and no big deal, but are huge blessings to me.
When I am in a downward spiral I begin to
– dare I say it – hate it here. The
dirt, chaos, and rudeness in town annoy me.
The way people treat each other, the world, and the sin and abuse make
me angry. I wonder why we are here and
if we are making a difference. Is there
any hope when all you see and hear about are suffering and sin?
I love our home and most things about
Obulle. I try to make things special. I love decorating our home for the fall
season, but something about on one else caring about it, 90degree weather, and
no where to go puts a damper on it. I
have people over and get togethers to celebrate and have fun, but I have
learned you can’t count on people or things to make you happy. Then we have been sick and the home I love
becomes the place of boredom.
At this point I want to remind you I am
venting, processing and being honest with a “friend”. I am not insane, depressed, or always like
this. I am just expressing how I have
been feeling overall – not ever minute or even every day. I am being real about the struggles living
here and what we have been through lately.
Mostly I write it because so many of you thank me for it and know how to
really pray for us.
I have also have great joys. My family is at the top of the list. The way Josh seeks God and in all things does
what God calls him to in His Word, continues to impress and challenge me. I am fully aware that because my husband loves
and obeys the Lord, I benefit. Josh
loves me (and the kids) selflessly. Our
home is blessed because of it. Our kids
are blessings too. The way they take
care of each other, help when we are sick, play with their friends, their
positive attitudes and most of all their faith challenges me everyday. I am thankful for them.
Our family also enjoys visiting people
here on Wednesdays. We meet someone new
or see a friends home for the first time.
We are always so warmly welcomed.
We get to see how they live, hear their joys and challenges, and
sometimes eat together. It is in these
relationships that God uses us. Our
neighbors, Charles and Margaret, are friends we have grown to love and
appreciate. I am so thankful we can go
to them to share our hardships and pray together.
Sometimes it feels like the trials over
shadow the blessings in our lives. We
have been back in Uganda for over two months now and other than a
few weeks someone (sometimes up to four of us) is sick. I don’t know how to describe to you the
stress of having a child with a high fever.
Not knowing what it is and no doctor to go to can be a helpless
feeling. We pray and trust each time. Then there is being the one who is sick in
bed for days. I don’t know if I am just
bad at being sick but I get so down, lonely, bored and feel so yucky. At this point I am afraid to say we are
healthy and well. Just yesterday I was
about to send out an update email thanking people for praying and letting
everyone know we are healthy now, then Malai woke up from her nap with a
fever. I really hope we are done with
sickness for a very long time!
We were shocked and saddened to find out
another teammate (family) is leaving the field.
I feel bad for our kids. Lydia’s lip was just a quivering with tears
welling up in her eyes. She wrote later,
“Why God? What is wrong with us? Why does everyone leave? Why do people choose the world and not see how
good You are.” I wish I knew. We didn’t say much to our kids but they are
getting old enough to just feel things. Every
time a teammate leaves it hurts. We
don’t just work together but we are like family with birthdays and holidays,
friends with get togethers, and worship and pray with one another. It is a loss.
New teammates come and you love, give and trust again. I have become tired. There is stress, pain, and details with each
loss. So we look to the Lord as our
strength, wisdom, peace, hope, joy, truth, and love. I wish I could share more. I find being wife and mother can be a hard
position (I love it but it is tricky with also being apart of a team). I am a missionary but not the missionary and
am on the team but also not fully because I am a mother.
Then there was the accident. The same week our teammates resigned our
other teammates, including my sister, brother-in-law and baby, rolled their van
down a hill into a stream. We were all
upset by this. Most importantly we thank
God! No one was badly hurt and it is
truly God’s hand that saved them. God is
with us no doubt working behind the scenes when we are unaware. The accident did make me to almost grieve as
I processed it. I could have lost my
four friends and baby Amara. We could
have had to go get their bodies and deal with the 9 children left behind. It is a sobering thought. Josh and our nurse teammate went to pick them
up after the accident. It seems Steve
had a concussion, bruised ribs, and whip lash otherwise everyone was just sore. It was a long, hard day but we praise God for
keeping our friends!
Since being back to Uganda I have valued and appreciated our time in
America more.
It was hard with all the medical stuff and Josh being the team leader
from afar, but I loved being with family, traveling together and seeing new
things, going camping and to the cottage, being apart of school and church…just
being normal. What great memories!
I guess that is it for now, the good and
the bad. Like Lydia said everything makes me want to run to
the other side of the world away from our problems and fears. But this is the world we live in. We are reminded over and over again that God
is with us, loves us and He is doing great things. And this is why the enemy is out to
discourage us. John 10:10 says the thief comes to steal, steal and
destroy but Jesus has come that we may have life and have it to the full. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement!
