God's Precious Jewel

Here we go again...last night my mom called to let me know that Grandma Van Manen is not doing well and they will be calling in Hospice.  

I think everyone is a bit shocked by this.  Grandma had been doing so well, but a few weeks ago started to say she didn't feel well and didn't eat much.  She continued to not eat and has lost 20lbs in about a month.  The doctor said everything checked out ok but the blood work showed that maybe her body was beginning to shut down.  Now Grandma isn't eating or drinking and is no longer getting out of bed.  She still knows people, is with it and knows what is going on, but sleepy.  Grandma doesn't have pain, doesn't complain and at peace - which is a praise!

Grandma Van is the grandma I was closest to and is very special to me.  I had many sleepovers at G&G Van and LOVED them.  Their house was so special and fun to me (even down to the "junk draw" Grandma had that we got treasures from).  I knew Grandma loved me and always made me feel valued and beautiful (she would often sing, "Here she comes Miss America" when she saw me).  Grandma always had time to "be" with me.  We would take a walk to see the peacocks, swing together, read to me...  Grandma would always kick Grandpa out of her bed to sleep downstairs when I was scared and wanted to sleep with her.  She would chase Uncle Brad with a yard stick when he would tease us.  Grandma was always good at sharing with me.  We would talk about when she was growing up, her family, even go and look at the houses she use to live in.  There were lots of holidays at Grandma's.  I loved Christmas the most.  Grandma loved Christmas too and had us over to help set up the tree, her Christmas village, and her angel collection (remember counting all the angels?!).  When I was older I have great memories in Florida at the "playhouse" as Grandma called their place in there.  They loved when anyone came to stay with them there.  Grandpa made fresh OJ and Grandma made fresh lemon pie if Grandpa could convince her.  We went to baseball games, flee markets, to see the manatee and alligators, and went to most restaurants in town including the Amish one.  Good times...

Just last year when we were in Michigan my mom gave me a whole folder that Grandma had kept of all the notes, pictures, poems I gave to her and then of any card or newsletter we sent since on being on the mission field.  How can I not feel loved and valued?  Grandma was a lover.  She loved children, loved the Lord and loved me.

Most of all Grandma shared her faith and love for God with me.  She had a main role in my faith in Christ.  Grandma talked about and lived out her love for the Lord.  She would correct me when I said Holy Cow and tell me only God is holy - she is right.  She was not just a Christian but spoke about God with me.  She warned me not to make the mistakes she did.  We all know Grandma wasn't perfect - no one is - but she did love with the love she received from God.  I am thankful for someone in my life who was willing to talk with me about God and their faith in Him.

So now I sit at our home in the village of Africa while my Grandma lives her last days.  I am so thankful I said goodbye to her when we left Michigan in January, but I still want to be there to see her again and say goodbye - to pray with her and love her as she would me.  (And now I am crying again.)  I don't know if I will ever know how to do this right - is there a right way?  I am grieving and want to grieve but don't always know how.  It doesn't seem real, yet I know it is.  We wrestle over going to Michigan and being there for loved ones and having the closure, BUT it is overwhelming to think of the cost, quickly changing plans with home schooling, ministry and teaching for Josh, pack up and close up the house, leave friends here, drive 7 hours to fly about 20 hours one way, then the emotions of being in MI with family for a funeral for a few weeks and travel and adjust back to Uganda...whooo!  Yet, we would if we knew it was right.  Who can tell us the right thing to do?!  It is a major cost in all ways, but I don't want to regret.  I want to go and stay here - both - yet neither...  Sorry, I am so confused.  So, I am praying and waiting on the Lord's leading and comfort.  He knows what it best and good for me.  I can trust Him.

Thank you for listening, being there, and praying.  Pray for Grandma.  Pray for my Mom and the family as they go through this - again for many of them.  For my parents it will be all four of their parents in just over a year.  Interestingly,  both of their fathers died about a month apart and now it looks like both mothers may too.  My aunt just lost her father a few weeks ago too.  A lot of loss.  Thankfully we know that with all the loss each one is great gain - to be with their Lord!  Grandma Van always sang "Precious Jewels" to me and I love knowing she is a precious jewel for His crown.

When He Cometh

When He cometh, when He cometh
To make up His jewels,
All His jewels, precious jewels,
His loved and His own.

Like the stars of the morning,
His brightness adorning,
They shall shine in their beauty,
Bright gems for His crown.

He will gather, He will gather
The gems for His kingdom;
All the pure ones, all the bright ones,
His loved and His own.

Little children, little children,
Who love their Redeemer,
Are the jewels, precious jewels,
His loved and His own.