July 23, 2007 -- Monday

Yesterday morning Josh’s phone rang while I was getting the girls ready for church. I didn’t know the man on calling but he said he was with Kristine and that Eugene had died. What?! Really? How, why, when? Eugene had been sick but seem to finally be doing better. I went over and told Tim and Angie the news. Josh was helping at Sunday school so Tim agreed to watch the kids as Angie, Barb, and I walked down to Kristine’s.

As we walked, my heart sunk deeper and deeper. I did not want to do this today or any day. I did not want to see little Eugene dead. I did not want to cry and hurt or see others hurting. It is too hard. I have been here before, many times in Mahula. Here we were again to share God’s love.

I also thought about how tired I have been lately and too busy to care and be a good friend. I haven’t even updated you on her lately – how a couple of weeks ago Eugene was dehydrated and how Kristine came in a panic. Just the other night all three of them have been sick and they tried to get Eugene into Amecet until he was better but Amecet was already too full. Lately every time Kristine came I didn’t know how to deal with her anymore or how to help her. I was tired of helping with the sick kids, always going to the clinic and giving more and more medicines – was it the right thing to do? I didn’t want to create dependency and have her come every time she needed food, money, or help. I really struggle with this. We are called to give and be generous yet to do that here means opening up your door to everyone. I do not want to be their answer. I am a quick fix. The problem will just come back again. What they need is God. Anyways, I failed to listen to Kristine and lacked compassion. Now I felt guilty. I did not share God’s love because I was too tired and busy. Now was the time to repent and change. I had another change to be a true friend – to be Jesus.

When we got to Kristine’s there was a group of men sitting outside and we could hear weeping inside. I wondered what where the cultural norms here when someone dies. I guess we would soon learn. Kristine was sitting on the ground wailing in front of the couch where Eugene laid. A few other women were in the room too wiping away tears. I went in and held Kristine as we cried. She was shaking. I tried to tell her through my tears that God loves her and God loves Eugene and he is with God. How hard it is to see a precious baby we knew and loved now dead. I kept imaging his BIG toothless smile. (It makes me cry just writing about it.) How his mother, who truly loved him and knew him, must mourn and feel the hole in her heart.

We sat with her for over 20 minutes, not saying a word just sharing tears. Kristine wailed. She cried out Eugene’s name, talked about her suffering, asked God why, told God He can raise the dead… I am not sure if it is culturally what is said when one mourns or if it was just Kristine’s heart crying. Later someone came in and calmed Kristine down enough to get her to tell us what happened. She said Eugene woke up around 2am crying. She said he had sores under his mouth. She woke her neighbor who told her there is nothing we can do until morning. Eugene fell back asleep about an hour later. When she woke up in the morning Eugene had rolled to his back when she picked him up she found him dead. I asked Barb if she could pray for Kristine before we left. We prayed and cried over her. We assured her of our prayers and if she needed anything to come. She asked us to check on Claudia who was outside with one of the girls. Claudia also has Malaria and continues to fight diarrhea and vomiting. As we walked out the door I put my hand on Eugene’s face. If nothing else I wanted to show the people there that we love Eugene and that it is okay to touch him (so often it is taboo in their culture to touch a dead body). Sometimes you just need to hold a loved one one last time.

As we walked home we didn’t know what we should do next. They asked for help with food for the burial so Josh and John ran to the market while the rest of us finished getting ready for church. The church service helped to give us all peace and reassured us of our hope in the Lord. Pastor Francis preached on Psalm 23. Even with the sadness we feel, we feel hope and see that God can even work through this. Eugene’s suffering is over. Kristine can finally rest. And God can draw Kristine and other close to Him for the first time. When people are in hopeless situations, they come to know real hope in Christ.

I never thought about how hard it would get dealing with suffering and death as your children get older. Lydia is almost four and hears and understands so much. I told Josh we needed to tell Lydia about Eugene. Lydia knows Eugene. She talks about Eugene and Claudia all the time. She even named Avalien’s black baby Eugene and her monkey Claudia – and they are always Eugene and Claudia! I couldn’t tell Lydia without breaking down so Josh told her. She did what any normal four year old would do, “Oh…why…where is Heaven?” Then she was off playing or trying to ignore it. How do you explain to them yet not worry them about death. I am realizing how often Lydia hears people talk about suffering, sickness, and death. A lot of it comes from Amecet and the stories of the kids there. I need to watch what is said and help her deal with what she hears and sees. I can’t take it away but we do need to be sensitive and address it. God will use this too in her little heart.

After church we were scheduled to go to Peter’s village for a meal. Peter goes to Francis’ church and has taken a real liking to us. Josh planned to stay home with the girls since it usually means an all day event. Before we left Josh went to see how Kristine was and what was happening. They were collecting money for the transport to the village. They needed about $80 to get to the village 70km away. Josh helped some. They hoped to go in the morning to burry Eugene.

There was nothing we could do for now to help them, so we continued as planned to Peter’s family in the village. It took about 25 minutes to get there. When we arrived they welcomed us with flowers, waving a flag and shouted. The compound was really nice. The whole area was beautiful, green, and so quiet. I love it. Every time I get back to a village I get those mixed emotions and long for this life again. We had a very nice afternoon (ok long day) there. We were very impressed with this family. They were SO happy to have us there. It took about an hour or so for all of them to stand up and tell us who they are and their story. The father of the compound is a gentle, kind man. He and his wife had eight children but two died. All of their children went to school which they are all very proud of. He paid for their schooling by fishing. One of their sons is a teacher. He did most of the talking and was very much a people person. They served us Cokes and cookies. It was the first time I have heard someone pray to sanctify this Coke.

After a couple hours we took a walk to see the one son’s fish pond he made. He raises Tilapia to sell in market. It was really neat to see.

When we got back food was served. I will never get over the amount of food people give their guest. This was the most we have ever been given – rice, potatoes, posho, atop, fish, chicken, goat, cabbage, sauce, pineapple, bananas, avocado… It was all very good. Again I was totally humbled by their generosity!!! They could have paid for school fees but honored us with their best. I am amazed by that. Then they sent a huge rooster home for Josh and eggs for the girls. They thanked us for coming but it was all of them who really blessed us.

We went to Amecet in the evening to worship. Every time I go I feel more love for these kids and am so thankful for the workers there. David, a boy that came almost 6 weeks ago totally malnourished, has changed so much. He was SO thin and never smiled or talked. Now he is dancing, singing, and talks to me. You would hardly even recognize his face – it is so much rounder and fatter now. What a lot a little love and food will do. There is a new little girl there, Hellena. She has a beautiful face and I fell instantly in love with her. She has a heart wrenching story too. Hellena is one years old and has been cared for by her 10 year old sister. Her mother died and her dad remarried so they didn’t want her. They were even going to spear her – can you believe it?! Hellena is very malnourished. I think she maybe 10 pounds. I held her and she just snuggled. I love her. Pray for Hellena and the other kids at Amecet.