So Sad

August 10

The other day a lady came with her baby to our gate saying they have no food and needed help. This is not an uncommon event but this time Lydia was so upset by it she just cried and cried. She was overcome with emotions for this lady and child. She was so sad that they didn’t have food, a home, or a daddy. We talked about how God tells us in the Bible He loves His people and will provide for those in need and how sometimes suffering is the result of sin and not obeying God’s way. She just kept crying and saying how she hates satan and how she wants people in America to understand how sad it is to see people suffer. While I was comforting Lydia Josh went out to talk to the lady. Come to find out she does have a husband, some food, and a home (a leaky hut). Josh encouraged her to go to her church and ask them for help.
It is difficult to see people in need and to know what to do. I understand Lydia’s heart because it feels like mine. This is the first time she expressed it like this. I am thankful she loves God’s people that much and hates the suffering caused by sin. But it is hard to see your nine year old experience such big issues already. I know she will be a better person because of it. She was so concerned that Americans don’t understand so we encouraged her to help them understand because they don’t live here and see what she does. She was also upset about her uncle who doesn’t love Jesus and isn’t apart of our family. She has cried over this many times over the years. It does break our hearts. I encouraged her to write what she was feeling and see if that helped. So here is what she wrote:
So Sad by Lydia
It is so sad to see people that don’t have enough things to survive, like not enough money or food.

It is so sad if people get divorced and the mom doesn’t have enough money to care for the kids. It is sad that kids don’t get to learn as much as Americans do because they do not have enough money for school fees.

And it is sad when people lose the people they are related to because that person doesn’t know about God.

It is sad that a lot of Americans do not know God and just care about earthly things.

It is sad that some churches really aren’t churches because they don’t really preach what God really says.

It is sad to know that some people choose to be pastors instead of missionaries when there are more pastors than missionaries in the world.

It is sad that some missionaries don’t go where God sends them too. For example, God told some missionaries to go to China but they didn’t go to China because they were scared of the emperor throwing them in jail.

I pray Lydia’s heart always loves and weeps like God’s.

Lydia's 9th Birthday, Baby and More

Celebrating 18weeks of pregnancy!

Lydia decked out in her presents from her grandparents

Lydia turned 9 July 31!

Lydia and Drew both had birthdays in July so they shared a party. 

We had a birthday carnival to celebrate on July 24

August 3

Wow it has been a long time since I wrote last.  Sorry about that.  I am still tired and feel sick a couple days a week so it keeps me behind on things and unmotivated.  Most days I am feeling well though.  I am about 19 weeks now and in the 5^th month of this pregnancy.  No hiding my growing tummy either.  I am so limited on my clothes options out here that it makes me grumpy when it doesn’t fit right and I feel huge or ugly in it.  It is mostly because I have to wear compression tights because my legs ache in pregnancy.  Oh well, I am trying to enjoy this last pregnancy which is getting easier as I feel better.  The kids continue to be super excited for me about the baby.  Luka talks about the baby coming but doesn’t really grasp it all.  I asked him where the baby was and he didn’t know so I told him the baby is in my tummy.  He just laughed and said no it’s not. 

                                                      

We went into Kampala and had a 3D ultra sound.  I have had more worries about this baby than the others so it was a praise when the doctor said everything was perfect.  All the measurements are on and the due date continues to look like the very end of December.  It is a joy to see our little baby.  The baby was moving around, drinking (opening it’s mouth), and loved having it’s hands by it’s face.  Much to some peoples dismay, we did not find out the sex of the baby.  A surprise ending is always fun for us.  I don’t have much of a feeling weather it is a boy or girl but when we saw the ultra sound I thought boy.  Our first look at the baby it was sleeping with it’s hands up and Josh saw it was just like how Luka sleeps.   Oh, I can feel the baby now too.  It actually started a couple weeks ago but it is so light at this point.  Josh has now also felt the little kick this week.  How thankful we are to God for the miracle inside!     

The other big news is that Lydia turned 9 July 31!  She is such a joy to celebrate.  She loves people, the Lord, and has excitement for all of life.  What a blessing!  It is hard to see her grow up so fast yet we are thankful for the godly girl she is.  We has a birthday carnival for her and Drew last week.  Our team and other friends came to celebrate with us.  I love being creative and it was fun to do.  We has lots of games, prizes, snacks, a clown, and of course cake and presents.  Lydia was in her glory.  We were in Kampala on her actual birthday so we went out to eat and gave her our gift and one from her grandparents. 

The girls also finished school!  Hard to believe they will be in 2^nd and 4^th next year.  I am so thankful we accomplished another year and that the girls did so well.  Our teammate’s niece was here and help teach our kids the last few weeks.  I am really enjoyed having a break.  It was fun just having Luka around in the morning.  He plays so good.  The girls will be going to the Christian school while we are in MI so that will be special for all of us.  I am still praying and trusting God for future help with teaching our girls. 

Speaking of Michigan, we have a little over 7 weeks until we go.   Some days it is hard to believe and others I just can’t wait.  This is our home and work but it will sure be nice to have a break and be with family.  Because we are having a baby we will be home from Oct. to Feb. (about 5 months).  I am thankful for time to just be “normal” and although Josh also looks forward to being in MI being there that long is hard for him.  He loves the ministry here.  Needless to say, the girls are so very excited to go.  Every time we go to MI there are some mix emotions leaving here but I know it is just a break and then we will be back here.  So I enjoy our time in MI because I know it is just for a short time. We are praying for a wonderful 7 weeks of ministry and time with our team and friends before we go.  

Pictures (update to come)

Village visit to our friends Martin's in Obulle

Roasted Maize

Luka liked the pig!

Josh felt at Home :)

Baby dedications in our church

First Pregnant picture at 16wks

Growing fast!

This & That

July 1, 2012

I haven’t written in a while so this will probably be a hodge podge of different things.  First of all I am starting to feel better!  I am so thankful that I can almost be me again and am able to enjoy most of life once more.  There are still moments that I am reminded of the nausea but today I am 14 weeks and officially have entered the second trimester so I think I will make it.  My stomach seems to have grown in just the last 10 days making it difficult to wear some of my skirts.  Luka looked at me the other day and asked, “Will the baby be brown or white?”  I couldn’t believe a three year old has those questions.  I guess it makes sense he sees brown/black all around him and his family is white so what will our baby be.  

Last week we met the Calvin Christian High School team in Murchison Falls where we enjoyed a two day safari with them.  Our new van has a big sun roof that opens up so the girls and I road standing up looking out the sun roof.  What a fun view of the animals!  No lions this time but we saw all the other animals.  It was very green and beautiful this time of year.  We were very thankful for a couple days away.  Lydia, Grace and Luka were in the pool for 5 hours one day! 

On Thursday we headed back to Soroti with the Calvin team.  This is the forth year a team has come.  They had a big group of 21 people this year including the two teachers and their wives.  It was a great group and we are so glad they came!  Friday they went to a high school here and saw what classes are like and talked with the students.  In the afternoon we went to the blind school where we read books to them, they sang for us, and we played goal ball together (a blind game so our kids were blind folded).  Saturday they played soccer with the street kids and heard some of their testimonies and in the afternoon we helped with the children’s program at our church in Obulle.  There were probably 100 kids there and they were at the road to welcome us with singing.  The team loved the joy in the churches singing.  Saturday night they made and brought necklaces from our Uganda friends.  Sunday the team climbed Soroti Rock, went to church and had a Ugandan meal there, and heard stories from teens taken by the LRA.   It was a busy three days but a blessing too.  Our kids love having new friends and I enjoy getting to know the team and see God work in their lives while they are here.  Josh and I and a couple of our teammates shared our stories and challenged the kids to be involved in missions.  There were a few kids by the end of the week feeling God call them into some kind of missions.  We praise God for the Calvin teams visit and for the work God did in their lives.  Can’t wait to have another team next year!

Before the Calvin team came Josh and I celebrated our 13^th anniversary.  Our friends here were celebrating their 12^th anniversary so we had them over after the kids were in bed for a candlelight meal.  We did fondu and cheesecake for dessert.  It was a beautiful, fun night with our friends.  How thankful I am for Josh.  Because he puts the Lord first I know he will always love me.  He is an example of Christ to me each day.  What a gift from God our 13 years of marriage has been! 

Luka has started talking about God for the first time.  The other day he told Tabitha God is the biggest and his best friend.  Then he told me when he found a nail that the bad guys put Jesus on the cross with nails.  It is exciting to hear he is understanding and his faith is growing.  God is working in Luka’s life!

I love our kids imaginations and simplicity.  They realize through friends about handheld video games on a DS.  Our kids each found old travel alarm clocks and sit on the couch pretending they are playing on their DS’s.  I think it is the funniest thing.  Luka takes what he calls his “PS” whenever he goes to our friends house to play.  Cute, huh.  (Sorry if I already told that story I couldn’t remember.)

The girls and I had some friends over the other day to do some crafts.  I just had to share a picture of the hair things we did cause they turned out so cute.  Being creative is so much fun!

Two weeks ago we had two snakes in our yard in one day!  Thankfully our guard killed both.  He saw one come from our garage he says and killed it.  He says it was a baby King Cobra – Oh man!  Grace told me it was black and had a lump because it had eaten something.  Later that day Josh was going to the bathroom and saw a green snake in the window sill.  He went out and showed our guard who killed it.  We hate snakes!  I become so worried that one of the kids will find one someday.  Josh and I took time and prayed with the authority of Jesus that He would protect us and our home from snakes.  And we haven’t had anymore! 

Josh continues to see God at work in people’s lives as he teaches God’s Word.  It is amazing to see the change in people when they have freedom in Christ.  When they know they are God’s child and have assurance of salvation.  There is so much peace living in Christ.  Josh says the one man just sits and smiles shaking his head all class because he now know the truth.  What joy.   

And if you haven’t heard my sister Angie had a baby girl, Eliana!  Pray for them as they adjust to having 5 kids and Angie suffers from an infection.  Their two year old, Zulea, has been marching around the house proclaiming she does not want the baby.  Wish I could be there to help and hold my new little niece!  

That is all for now.  Thanks for your prayers everyone!  Every time I feel sick and just want to leave this place I know God is with me and you are praying for me.  Have a great 4^th of July.  Thank you God for our country!

Baby Pictures

Hi, just thought you may want to see the first pictures of the baby! (Remember it is Soroti quality.) The baby was moving around and we saw the heart beat. So good to know all is well and God is taking good care of our little one. Already fully formed by His hand and ready to grow. This ultra sound said I was 12wks and due Dec. 20. I don't really trust the measurments they take so we will still go with that we were first told and thought - 12wks on Sunday and due Dec. 30.

The girls were excited but Luka didn't really understand but he did tell people we were going to see the baby grow big.

The hospital was brusting with people. Felt kinda bad he brought us right in but also thankful. It is hard to see so many suffering people. I almost lost my stomache when the police brought an accident victim and they said her head was cut open (thankful we didn't see but there was a big crowd). How precious life is.

Thanks for sharing in our joy! Seeing the baby makes the sickness A LITTLE easier. (It is slowly getting better too.)

Routine or Relationship

June 4, 2012

Let me begin by saying how thankful I am for the baby God has given us.   With that being said any of you who have experienced morning sickness that feels like having the flu all day long for weeks, know how hard this first trimester can be.  To be honest I don’t feel like me and it seems my joy has been taken away.  Thankfully, I have been able to function most days while feeling sick but some days I just have to lay down to keep from vomiting all day long.  It is miserable.  Most days I am up for a while then have to lay down to get the nausea under control then I can be up again for a while before lying down again.  I am so bored.  I don’t feel like reading, writing, or even watching anything (no TV anyways).  There is really no where to go in Soroti and no entertainment.  I am grateful for all our friends who have had us over.  It passes the days so much quicker.  Everything, even good smells, smell awful.  My family can’t even be by me when they have showered.  You can only imagine what all the African smells do to me!  And food, yuck.  I do eat but the thought of most things especially making them is very difficult.  I don’t like sweets or water but salty foods and sour beverages I can handle.  Life has been ruff the last 5 weeks.  I am now 10 week and see an end to this very difficult time.  I am even on my second good day where I can be up all day and feel like me again!  Of course with Mom sick everyone feels it.  Josh has been great helping out where ever he can and the kids just feel bad for me.  We are all hanging in there till the second trimester arrives… 

Once again I feel God has taught me through this hard time.  Being sick for 5 weeks has taken a toll on my time with the Lord.  Most mornings I could barely sit up let alone read my Bible and pray.  I hated that I couldn’t but I just couldn’t for the first time in my life.  It didn’t take long to realize the joy I was missing comes from being close to my Lord.  Life is empty without Him.  Life is meaningless and even boring without His presence and leading.  I am still a Christian but the relationship with my Father was not there.  I now know without a shadow of a doubt, from personal experience, relationship with God makes all the difference in the world!  And relationship takes time to cultivate.  When I am taking time to read God’s Word to me and spend time praising Him and telling Him everything in prayer I know Him and He knows me.  I am filled by Him and experience joy and peace.  I have hope and purpose.  I am assured of His promises and know truth.  I have strength for hard times and wisdom for each decision.  I am in love with my Father and He is my best friend.  It is right where I should be – in fellowship with Him.

There is no way around it, we must spend time with Jesus!  No relationship takes place without time together.  Trust, knowledge, love, joy, fellowship, help…all take time to develope.  I have gone to church the past five weeks but without the daily time with God it all just felt like routine – empty.  What saddens me the most is that I know too many Christian living with Jesus as routine instead of in relationship with Him.  More tragic is that most of them don’t even know it because they have never experience relationship with God and so think this is all there is to life with Christ.  There are Christians who go to church because their parents did or that is what you are suppose to do and the rest of the week they live as if their lives aren’t changed by Christ.  Christians who spend time each day with their Savior are changed by Him and their lives show it. 

It is my prayer that every day Jesus is your first love.  May we long to be with Him because we know how much we need Him.  Forgive us Lord for saying we are too busy and then whine because we are mess.  We are hurting ourselves by choosing to not have a relationship with you.  Forgive us because we do not love you with all of our hearts, minds, and strength.  We have loved ourselves and the things of the world more than you.  We know all about the worldly things around us but have failed to know You and Your desire for us.  May we no longer do Christian routine and miss out on the wonderful privilege of relationship with You.             

#4 on the way!

If you haven't heard already, we are pregnant with our 4th child!  I am still trying to process my feelings - I can't think or even feel (me!) much right now with all the all day morning sickness.  We are very thankful.  The best part was telling our kids.  It was precious.  Josh started by saying how sick I was and they didn’t catch on so he changed to mother’s day but they still weren’t getting it.   I handed the girls the ultra sound picture and then their faces lit up.  Lydia said is this the baby I have been praying for?  I believe this is the one.  Then she started to cry and said I have never cried because I was so happy before.  Grace was excited too but she was more taking it in.  What a treasured moment – so glad we got it on video!  

Looks like we are now 8 weeks along and due right around New Years - Dec. 30.  I have put the whole story below for those of you who care about all the emotional details.  We just wanted to share our good news with you.  Thanks for rejoicing with us!

Over a year and a half ago now Josh and I began to pray about our forth child.  Were we to have another pregnancy or was it our time to adopt?  I never knew the decision was going to be so hard.  God did not seem to say anything or lead us in any direction.  I was so anxious about it all.  Then a year ago when I was praying and listening I felt God say wait.   From then on we waited and there was peace.

As we waited we decided to keep all doors open and visited a couple orphanages in Uganda and talked with an adoption agency while we were in Michigan.  We never really felt anything or any leading.  We continued to wait till January of this year when we felt we needed to take a day to pray for God’s direction.  Josh and I wrote down the pros and cons, prayed over them, and listened for God to lead us in His will.  We both walked away still unsure. 

I was so torn with the decision.  Deep down I think I did want to be pregnant again.  I didn’t want that time in my life to be done with yet.  I love being pregnant, having a newborn, and being mom.  But then I would get scared, mostly selfishly, about my leg pain I get in pregnancy and sickness, gaining weight, and all the other lovely side effects.  Then I would think about adoption and all the children who need a loving, Christian home.  I was not excited about adopting in Uganda though.  All the unknowns, three years of waiting, and government here stressed me out.  I know God calls all of His people to care for the orphan but I have to admit I wasn’t very excited about it yet.

Then I read a magazine and it was kinda funny but it was all about these huge Christian families that see children as a true blessing from the Lord.  I began to think that it wasn’t selfish to want to have another child but a blessing from God.  I was also glad that some of these families had adopted on top of their big families.  Josh is a true husband and father and worries about how many kids we can afford.  He has always thought four would be enough so I felt it was get pregnant or adopt.  But now we were talking and more open to both.  So unsure of what God wanted us to do, we felt He would bless both choices.  We decided to try to get pregnant for a few months. 

I never thought this would be a painful experience.  With all of our children we got pregnant right away so I thought if we tried it meant we would get pregnant.  But I also knew that God would give us a baby if He wanted and lead us to adopt if that is what He wanted.  It was a roller coaster.  I was sure I was going to be pregnant each month and each month I was cramp and bleed early like something was wrong.  I have no idea what happened but we did not get pregnant and it was heartbreaking for awhile. 

Through it I felt God teaching me.  During a difficult time would I praise Him?  Would I be person I say I am?  Would I trust when I didn’t understand?  Would I believe God has a sovereign plan?  I also looked at all my blessings.  Even though not getting pregnant is hard, it could be so much worse.  I thought about people all around the world who were truly suffering.  I would thank God because He is good to me.  

Timing is the biggest pressure when you live on the mission field.  You can’t just get pregnant anytime or adopt anytime because you need to schedule and plan for time in the States.  This is really hard for Josh because he doesn’t want to be away from ministry for very long.  So after two months of not getting pregnant our time was running short and we needed to get the adoption process started if that was what God was telling us.  So in April we contacted Adoption Associates once again and started the process of adopting through the African American/Bi-racial program.

Once we got started on our profile and talking with our case worker we began to get excited.  Adoption Associates were so helpful and made us feel cared for.  They would do everything to help us in this unique situation (most people who adopt live in the States.)  We decided to adopt through them and not in Uganda for many reasons.  We love the structure and help a agency provides, we still wanted a baby and with this program you get a newborn baby, we love that we get to share the baby with our families right away (since we will be in MI), and felt a peace with it all.  The orphanage we liked in Uganda said it would take 1-2 years and they always keep a child for the first 6 months to do all the legal and medical stuff.  We did not feel comfortable adopting a child here who still had any parents or family.  And the law here is very unclear and legally it takes three year to adopt.  We are also living here on visitor visas right now and so could be denied.  There were just too many unknowns for us to handle and we felt stress instead of peace.

As we moved along in the adoption process God changed the plans.  By the end of April we found out we were pregnant.  The roller coaster continued.  We were excited yet torn.  Like Josh said he had been praying for the adopted baby God had for us so it was a funny time of grief and joy.  As soon as we found out we were pregnant I bled so again we were worried and cautious.  We saw the doctor while we were in the capital and were assured by ultra sound that I was pregnant – 5weeks along due December 30.  To our surprise the doctor was very concerned.  She did not like that only the sac was shown and no fetus.  So again we were filled with emotions and too unsure of anything to get excited.  All we could do was wait.

My pregnancy symptoms continued and I became sicker and sicker.  This was a good sign but I it didn’t feel good. 

I got a confirmation from my doctor in the States that yes I should repeat the ultra sound so at almost 7 weeks along I decided to try one in Soroti and see what we could see.  It wasn’t the best of ultra sounds but they did see a fetal note.  (It also said I was further along and due Christmas Eve.  I don’t think that is right and there is no way I am having a Christmas baby!)  They told me to come back after the 10^th week to see the heartbeat.

I also told our team nurse how sick I was feeling and she came up with some safe anti nausea medicine that have helped.  I can function.  I am so thankful!  No women should sit and suffer for months when you can have relief. 

By now all our friends in Uganda know because we wanted prayer and because I have been too sick to hide it.  We went to one friend’s and as soon as I walked in the door she said I looked so tired and asked if I was pregnant.  At 8 weeks along we told our families.  We tried to Skype with them but it didn’t work with my parents but we did all get to hear over speaker phone.  They were surprised and excited but maybe a bit overwhelmed at the thought of the 17^th grandchild (maybe 4 news one in 2012 alone).  Josh’s family we got to Skype with but Mom was sick in bed so that was a bummer.  It was exciting to share our news with everyone.  It makes it a little more real.